Six Steps to Feeling More Sex Positive


Poor body image can affect many parts of one’s life, including sexuality. This can be a real Catch-22 in that you may be shy because of how you feel about your body so you don’t enjoy sex as much or feel unworthy of a good sexy relationship at all. If you are not getting laid, you might blame it on nobody being attracted to your body. BOOM! The dysfunctional cycle is in play. Developing body confidence is a process…but what can you do right now to jumpstart your own identity as a sexual being? Well, here is a list of six steps you can take right now!

I have a few items of business before the list.

  1. These actions are not the complete answer, obviously, but it may not be a bad place to start. If you can purchase, watch, or learn about something that gets you excited and makes you intrigued with sex, it can help break you out of your rut AND improve your image of yourself. You don’t even need a partner for this!
  2. While some of the suggestions are pricey, there are two things to consider here. The first is that your sexual & mental health and body love are worth everything, so an investment in it may be worth a lot more than what you pay upfront. The second thought is that some of these ideas might just get your brain going with other ways to get the benefits without the cash layout. If you have a lower cost hack, let me me know!
  3. These items are femme-oriented and somewhat heteronormative. I would love to hear from you, especially if you have suggestions that are outside of these parameters! I will happily update with anything that could be helpful to LGBTQ, disabled/ill, POC, or other folks
  4. I have not been paid for any of these reviews or comments. Everything is based on my own knowledge and experience.

On to the list!

Obtain a Liberator Ramp and Wedge

Different body shapes and sizes can all benefit from support so that you can modify any position or activity you have in mind. For this, I cannot recommend this combo enough. They arrive discreetly and basically explode as you puncture the vacuum seal. Likewise, you are going to explode when you try them out (SEE WHAT I DID THERE?). The foam is supportive and solid but soft and comfortable. The microfiber covers (washable) grab each other in whatever way you decide to assemble them. The combo of the leverage and good friction really makes your activity of choice amazing. Added bonus: they are available in plus and regular sizes!

Read Big Big Love by Hanne Blank

This book is now canon in the world of fat sex. First published in 2001, an updated version was published in 2011 with even more info about the intricacies and special issues of sex that involves at least one larger partner. Blank is a great writer with a light touch but she isn’t afraid to get down and dirty about positions, toys, erotica, etc. It has been called “essential reading for women, men, and transfolk… gays, bisexuals, and heterosexuals… “ and I agree.

Wear Fishnet Tights

Very little is sexier than fishnet tights. Torrid has great ones and for not too much cash. I have found these to be comfortable and non-binding and partners LOVE THEM. These have stretch and seem to fit many silhouettes. They also are adorable with other colored tight under then for when you are out in the world.

Use Luna Beads

Lelo is the ruler of the roost for sex toys and their Luna Beads are no exception. Ben was balls have been around for centuries and are used not only for pleasure but also for strengthening the muscles of the vagina. You can use them for actual play or insert in the morning and go about your day. People who use the Una Beads, including me, report not only high levels of satisfaction with the beads (lewd wink) but increased libido and easier ability to achieve orgasm.

Follow Sarah Winifred Searle

The header link goes to the “Oh Joy Sex Toy” column at Bitch Media (which you should also follow) but it is a great intro to the work of Sarah Winifred Searle. She is an artist and a writer who was tired of not seeing images of people with her body type so she started creating them in the form of sex-themed comics. Her work is darling and fun and she is truly body positive.

Attend Beyond The Curve, a body positive, sex positive retreat

Didn’t expect this one, did you? But seriously, immersing yourself for a while in true body positivity with other people who feel the same way is life changing. At the retreat, Kara and I will be coaching on the topics of sex, confidence, intimacy, and bodily self-love. It is going to be fantastic.

Speaking of which, we have big news coming about the retreat. Make sure you are on our mailing list so you don’t miss out on this terrific opportunity!

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